the trumpabet – the letter ‘h’

Hand
n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody’s pocket.

Happiness
n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

Haughty
adj. Proud and disdainful, like a waiter.

Hemp
n. A plant from whose fibrous bark is made an article of neckwear which is frequently put on after public speaking in the open air and prevents the wearer from taking cold.

History
n. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.

Homicide
n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain whether he fell by one kind or another — the classification is for advantage of the lawyers.

Honest
adj. Afflicted with an impediment in his dealing.

Honorable
adj. [1.] Afflicted with an impediment in one’s reach. In legislative bodies it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, “the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur.” [2.] Holding or having held a certain office in the public service — a title of courtesy, as “the Honorable Snatchgobble Bilque, Member of Congress.”

Hypocrite
n. One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises

Selections taken from the Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce as they apply to the 45th president of the United States.

the trumpabet – the letter ‘g’

Gawk
n. A person of imperfect grace, somewhat overgiven to the vice of falling over his own feet.

Generally
adj. Usually, ordinarily, as, Men generally lie, A woman is generally treacherous, etc.

Gent
n. The [short fingered] vulgarian‘s idea of a gentleman. The male of the genus Hoodlum.

Genuine
adj. Real, veritable, as, A genuine counterfeit, Genuine hypocrisy, etc.

Gold
n. A yellow metal greatly prized for its convenience in the various kinds of robbery known as trade. The word was formerly spelled “God” — the l was inserted to distinguish it from the name of another and inferior deity. Gold is the heaviest of all the metals except platinum, and a considerable amount of it will sink a man so much more quickly and deeply than platinum will that the latter is made into lifebelts and used as a lifting power for balloons. British gold, an imaginary metal greatly used in the manufacture of American traitors to the patriotic axiom that two and two are five.

Gold-Bug
n. In political matters, a miscreant who has the wickedness to know that legislation cannot maintain a permanent relation between the values of two metals, even by the luminous device of binding them together in the same coins. A miller who grinds the faces of the poor and takes the whole grist for toll. A hideous monster that disturbs the Bulletin’s repose by sitting astride Deacon Fitch’s stomach, picking the bones of “the debtor class” and blaspheming the dollar of our fathers.

Government
n. A modern Chronos who devours his own children. The priesthood are charged with the duty of preparing them for his tooth.

Governor
n. An aspirant to the United States Senate.

Grime
n. A peculiar substance widely distributed throughout nature, but found most abundantly on the hands of eminent American statesmen. It is insoluble in public money.

Groan
n. The language in which a Republican Federal officeholder expounds his view of the political situation.

Guardian
n. One who undertakes to protect from others what he is not ready to get for himself.

Selections taken from the Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce as they apply to the 45th president of the United States.

‘i’ is for indoctrination

What do you call someone appointed to a position for which they have absolutely no prior experience,  a person who got the appointment by a tie-breaking vote from Vice president Pence? Why, a Trump appointee, of course. A GOP contributor who has contributed, along with her family, so much money for so long, that when asked just how much, the answer was perhaps 200 million dollars. The only rational conclusion as to why she was appointed was that she bought her way into public office.

The second reason to put someone like this in charge of the Department of Education is as a figurehead for forces “behind the throne” to easily manipulate and carry out their agenda(s). Make no mistake, manipulating education is the long-term gateway to control. With someone like Betsy DeVos in that position, it will evolve from the Department of Education to the Department of Indoctrination. Or at least that’s what DeVos’ many highly conservative supporters hope. Her appointment is just cog in the machine to gut knowledge, and science in particular, from within the federal government and how it can effect policy, policy which up to this point wasn’t particularly favorable to the folks who’re now in control in Washington. Folks in the oil and gas and coal industries. With Betsy in place, if you think some of the education laws that have been attempted at the state level were insane, just wait for the new DeVos federal education guidelines to begin to trickle out.

the trumpabet – the letter ‘f’

Felon
n. A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment.

Fib
n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar’s nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit.

Finance
n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America’s most precious discoveries and possessions.

Flop
v. Suddenly to change one’s opinions and go over to another party. The most notable flop on record was that of Saul of Tarsus, who has been severely criticised as a turn-coat by some of our partisan journals.

Fool
n. A person who pervades the domain of intellectual speculation and diffuses himself through the channels of moral activity. He is omnific, omniform, omnipercipient, omniscience, omnipotent. He it was who invented letters, printing, the railroad, the steamboat, the telegraph, the platitude and the circle of the sciences. He created patriotism and taught the nations war — founded theology, philosophy, law, medicine and Chicago. He established monarchical and republican government. He is from everlasting to everlasting — such as creation’s dawn beheld he fooleth now. In the morning of time he sang upon primitive hills, and in the noonday of existence headed the procession of being. His grandmotherly hand was warmly tucked-in the set sun of civilization, and in the twilight he prepares Man’s evening meal of milk-and-morality and turns down the covers of the universal grave. And after the rest of us shall have retired for the night of eternal oblivion he will sit up to write a history of human civilization.

Freedom
n. Exemption from the stress of authority in a beggarly half dozen of restraint’s infinite multitude of methods. A political condition that every nation supposes itself to enjoy in virtual monopoly. Liberty. The distinction between freedom and liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have never been able to find a living specimen of either.

Selections taken from the Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce as they apply to the 45th president of the United States.

the trumpabet – the letter ‘e’

Eccentricity
n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.

Education
n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

Egotist
n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

Elector
n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man’s choice.

Executive
n. An officer of the Government, whose duty it is to enforce the wishes of the legislative power until such time as the judicial department shall be pleased to pronounce them invalid and of no effect.

Selections taken from the Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce as they apply to the 45th president of the United States.